Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me

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(915): View more from Texas

I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic

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(813): View more from Florida

my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

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(313): View more from Michigan

The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?

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(585): View more from New York

Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.

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(775): View more from Nevada

A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!

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(940): View more from Texas

Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.

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(516): View more from New York

ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work

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