I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
