dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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