I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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