I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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