I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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