Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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