We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
