I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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