OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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