Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize