The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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