shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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