I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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