I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't like sucking hair
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
