Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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