I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
