I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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