I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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