my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
