Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
