new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
