The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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