Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this just has baby written all over it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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