Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
