tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
