everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize