So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
