Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
