Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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