I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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