I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize