The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver