Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.