It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious