@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂