I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.