this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
