I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
