He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this boner is exhausting
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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