I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
