Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
