Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Couch. On fire.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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