thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
