She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
