we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
