Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
