there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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