Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
