# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
