Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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