Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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