Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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