It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
