My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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