I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
