Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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