I wanna bring you to show and tell
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
