We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
