3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
