Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You were trust falling into bushes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
