Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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