Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
