He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
