four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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