It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
