Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
