this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I could fuck to npr.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
