She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
