Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
