i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
