I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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