how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
