I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
