my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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