Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I will pee on everything he values.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
